The best move I've made since I got here was getting Abbey this little princess bike. She was having such a hard time the first two weeks and this has brought her so much happiness. I was going to wait until she was four or five but she really needed a boost at this point. She is still missing her old home, and of course her important people (as she just reminded me before falling asleep), but the bike has really helped. She only had a trike at home and has always been excited about bikes, even as a baby. She rides it from our apartment to school (the building next door) and to our friend's apartment (1/2 a block). We had a really special evening last week when she rode it around our complex. We stopped to play at a little playground and 3 of her friends were there. We came home and watched the Olympic opening ceremonies after that and we were both mesmerized. It was so beautiful. She asked a question every minute and still does whenever we've watched a bit of the games. Our housemate's daughter has gone to Bejing to attend the games. Abbey calls them the Bejing Limp Limps. She also calls speaking Chinese "Chi ying-ying". She is really into babbling in Chi ying-ying and is picking up words each day. Her current favorite is "Gong Ping", our housemates name. She is also really liking Zoo Phonics and is practicing her letter sounds and hand motions at random times. Next week will be another big step as she begins to stay at school all day and take a nap there. I would really appreciate your "agreement" for this to go smoothly. She's been begging me not to do this as I've explained what's coming. It's a hurdle we have to get over, but if all the other children can do it I know she can too. Mommy is part of the problem with the separation anxiety, it's very hard for me not to cry and to let go. Thankfully she has been eating better the past few days, so that helps me to relax more. Any tips or perspectives from those with experience would be helpful.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Adjusting
The best move I've made since I got here was getting Abbey this little princess bike. She was having such a hard time the first two weeks and this has brought her so much happiness. I was going to wait until she was four or five but she really needed a boost at this point. She is still missing her old home, and of course her important people (as she just reminded me before falling asleep), but the bike has really helped. She only had a trike at home and has always been excited about bikes, even as a baby. She rides it from our apartment to school (the building next door) and to our friend's apartment (1/2 a block). We had a really special evening last week when she rode it around our complex. We stopped to play at a little playground and 3 of her friends were there. We came home and watched the Olympic opening ceremonies after that and we were both mesmerized. It was so beautiful. She asked a question every minute and still does whenever we've watched a bit of the games. Our housemate's daughter has gone to Bejing to attend the games. Abbey calls them the Bejing Limp Limps. She also calls speaking Chinese "Chi ying-ying". She is really into babbling in Chi ying-ying and is picking up words each day. Her current favorite is "Gong Ping", our housemates name. She is also really liking Zoo Phonics and is practicing her letter sounds and hand motions at random times. Next week will be another big step as she begins to stay at school all day and take a nap there. I would really appreciate your "agreement" for this to go smoothly. She's been begging me not to do this as I've explained what's coming. It's a hurdle we have to get over, but if all the other children can do it I know she can too. Mommy is part of the problem with the separation anxiety, it's very hard for me not to cry and to let go. Thankfully she has been eating better the past few days, so that helps me to relax more. Any tips or perspectives from those with experience would be helpful.
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7 comments:
Hello- I love this blog! I think you are doing a very brave and wonderful thing. I think this a wonderful oppurtunity for you and your daughter. I too have an adopted daughter who has had some attachment issues and ptsd. Her attachment therapist always reminds me that no matter what the situation i have to show her that i am ok and can handle anything. If i am ok then she will be ok. Now my daughter repeats the same mantra "mama and Zso Zso are fine!".
this is often easier said than done but i think if you give off a vibe of confidence in her and courage then she will feed off of this. Good luck and God bless!!
Stacie
Hello, I have recently come upon your blog and have enjoyed reading and am lifting you up. My sister and I currently foster 4 sisters and are in the process of adopting them. When the youngest came to live with us at the age of two, she had major separation anxiety. It was very hard leaving her at daycare. She is a very strong-will determined child, and when she puts her mind to something, it is very hard to change her mind. She is also a very routine child. One thing that my sister learned that worked when dropping her off was she would kiss each of S's hands and then S would in turn kiss each of her hands. It became a ritual that S could count on and she knew if she kissed the hands, that someone would come back for her. 6 months into it, we don't usually have to kiss the hands anymore. She will still have her moments, but usually once we kiss the hands she is ready to go on in. Finding some type of ritual or secret handshake may give her enough courage to face whatever know that she still has that special bond with you that nothing else can break.
I am just more amazed with every post I read from you now. My eyes are also being opened.
I LOVE the Zoo Phonics program. It is fun to hear that Abby is already learning from it.
I will be sending lots of good thoughts and energy to you guys for a smooth transition for you both to the full day at school.
Best Wishes
-Jen-
Okay, first... where is her favorite helmet?! lol
Now, what I always suggested to parents in my class (and did with Greg) was to give them something to "hold for you" that is very "important" (at least they think you can't live with out it) and tell them that you need them to hold it for you until they come back. Even though they know in their heart you will come back for them, their mind is certain you will come back for whatever it is you left with them no matter what! It can be a simple as an important picture or piece of jewlery or a favorite trinket or coin. I hope this helps. You will make it, I promise! Just be strong!!
We love you both!!!!!
Michelle
Vivi just started kindergarten yesterday. She's been with me 24/7 since coming home from China almost 4 years ago. She hasn't been in daycare or preschool. So going from having her with me all the time to leaving her from 9-2 five days a week was SO hard. But we're hanging in there and I know it will get easier with time. Hang in there.....
Shannon
Christi-As many others already said if she knows you are OK with it she will be OK with it! So buck up girl & give it your all to show you are ok with her being a "big" girl now who can learn and do brand new things! Tell her how exciting it will be for her and challenge her. Abbey acts differently with you because she knows she can. You know what you need to do, so just try it and see what happens. You know I love you & wish & think only the best for both of you! You do not lose anything if you just try!!!
PS: I forgot to mention I love the bike, but I am quite sure she loves it more than I do. Maybe you could suggest to her that if she does well with this next adjustment she may get another thing she might like a lot???
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